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Through Your Frown (Free verse) by Blindpoetry

Being lonely You want to be someone else Seeing answers You find them in the wrong place Crying out lonely You push tears through your frown Sighing low, low sounds You become a different person Deciding Deciding whether to accomplish Or be blessed with an endless cause Must decide whether to lose or suffer Or be crished with an open heart Physical lieing You find room in popular class Walk, walk, walk You take the open seat they save for you

nentwined 26-Aug-04/2:53 PM
the flow/rhythm of this is lacking. the idea--I think I get what you're saying, but it takes inspection. The telling and showing seem to be confused--the telling superfluous, except tha the showing is hard to understand--but even then the telling doesn't help as much as it could. I'd say work more on visualizing what's going on--try to think a little less.

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