Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 20:07:01 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

Shattered face so lost with fears She stares at broken glass on the floor Suffering madness is what appears Creeping silence covers her mouth She chokes on life and all the hate As she lys in bed unable to move Patiently waiting for a answer for escape That seems will never come As she chokes on hope and all the words Blue lips so bitterly unsaid She washes her hands in confusion Pretending to be undead One more day she prays to her god She chokes on a pathetic defense And her own overpowering self pity Please kill her sobbing weakness -------------------------------------------------- I don't expect you people to like this,because infact you all are mean!

poetandknowit

23-Aug-02/9:47 PM

"I don't expect you people to like this,because infact you all are mean!" This is the best line in the poem (minus the typos). Nevertheless, I am going to try to give a "constructive assessment." 1) Creeping silence sounds like something off one of those crazy bands those kids listen today. Plus, silence speaks for itself; it doesn't need to have an adjective necessarily. 2) Do you really understand what the depths of "madness" are? You sound rather young; are you sure it is just not a long bout of teen angst. You know that is what the world needs now. Madness (i.e. depression, bi-polar and the like) is an extremely complex condition both biologically and psychologically and requires much more imagery than throwing a glass to the floor in some sort of angry fit. 3) The choking imagery doesn't seem to have much weight. Can you really choke on life or a pathetic defense and what is the pathetic defense in the poem. Okay, I cannot go on anymore. I tried and you can take this advice if you what to. Or you can just delete the fucking poem.

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