god'swife3 Jul 2004

I've read this several ties and I've grown quite fond of it. wonderful alliteration, meter, assonance- inventive. some small things bother me;

Do yo mean the church itself is unmoveable or the incense within? That's a tough metaphor, you should play around with it more. it breaks up the rythm of the line. You've got a nice beat on at the beginning with the assonance of 'refuses to move' and then....
that long A in 'claimed', my ear doesn't like it.

'...a high English... ' sounds more consistent to the meter throughout the poem.

keep magic simply magic, attach it to the end of the 8th line, you take away it's power when you do funny things to it.

the last couplet should start with the word 'Scattering' drop 'in the'.

Terrfic composition.