Poemranker [Replying] Fri May 03 23:04:49 PDT 2024

Replying to a comment on:

The Riddle of Creation (Free verse) by Dovina

Imagine knowing there is no such thing as death, Knowing you will be reunited with passed loved ones, Sure that God is watching you with loving eyes, Waiting with a shining world ready to receive you. Imagine knowing without a shade of doubt God will take care of His own. What comfort to know the riddle of creation.

god'swife

23-Jun-04/12:01 PM

I appreciate your not taking this personally. What aroused me to this point was McFan's idiotic comment on this poem.

How much thought did you put into this poem? How much have you studied about the craft of writing poetry? If this poem is any measure I would have to assume the answer to both these questions would be 'none'.

The title presumes you know what the riddle is, which is completely impossible because of the strong possibility there's no riddle at all. Your poem doesn't even deal with creation, the six lines you've written deal exclusively with redemption and the unconditional love of an omnipotent deity.

Now, all that aside, you are telling and not showing, which for me, is the hallmark of a crap poem. In your Quiet Hills poem you show us what's going on, you leave it to the reader to decide the meaning. Your emotions and contemplations are revealed by the words you've chosen to build the images. Here you are flat out telling me that God has a special Wonderland where we all go after death and all the dear ones are there wearing party hats, hiding behind the furniture just waiting to shout surprise everytime someone new steps in. There's no reason why you shouldn't believe and hope for such loving justice,I agree it would be grand. My opinion is, if you want to write a poem about your faith in the power of love to redeem this tragedy of living then it would be far more interesting and touching to show me what in your life has convinced you of this. That goes for any poem about any subject. As the audience I want to share the experience of the poet, I don't want to be told 'hey this is what I think'. As far as craft goes, there is not even one of the usual devices of poetry found here.

Now as far as the actual language, there is such a thing as death, whether or not it's only earthly death is besides the point. Things die, and we suffer and grow because of it. Death is important, it allows us to appreciate life. So right of the bat your asking us to imagine something that is impossible to imagine. You contradict yourself in the 2nd line by saying 'passed' you can argue all you want, but in every languages that I know of, 'passing' is simply a euphomism for death. In the couplet the second line is really a threat. "...His own."? This implies some are not His. You know it isn't really Heaven if not everyone gets to go. The last line your stating you know the riddle of creation? Do you? And if you honestly do, you're not touching on it here. Enless you're saying the riddle of creation is God loves you. How is that a riddle?

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