Poemranker [Replying] Sat Nov 23 18:36:16 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

I don't mind so much when insects explode on my windshield. So colorful these small Picassos Thin green wings splay over a jealous yellow blur shimmery silver plays on a fluid blue signature. The way humans die is not so vivid. Slowly browning and wilting. Inside, a monochrome.

god'swife

9-Jun-04/5:15 PM

Forget 'canvas' all together. 'These small Picasso's' emcompasses all those painterly analogies. Hold back a little. That's a first rate poetic sentence, let it stand on it's own. Sometimes the peaches are so ripe and perfect, they're only ruined by the vanilla ice cream. that line's the best you can hope for, the best any of us can hope for, let the audience remain there a moment and contemplate all the possible images that conjures up.

Try
A Monochrome
for the last line and drop slowly.

do me a favor, just as an exercise, try writing your next few poems with the fewest words possible. Just as an exercise. Don't get me wrong, relative to most of the poetasters on this site, you're far from protracted, but because they are beyond any hope I'm giving my small bit of advice to thosse few who have sense enough to understand it.

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry

An internet tradition since June 9, 2001