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Wedding Day (Free verse) by Caducus

At the fallen portico An arrogant wind rocked the last beam. I walked upon fragrant bones Where hopeless rose bouquets Touched desperate clambered palms Of the garish unnoticed. Grandfather wound his watch Coughing blood in to ironed silk Ignoring and noticing changes Exuding wry misery Glimpsing at the only glance of happiness Till it fell, like doomed seams of icing. Her vanilla gown was lifted Like spirits sighting Our hesitant kiss on still lips. Gray expressions sauntered Through glimmering colour And clinking claps, As Grandfather clamoured To the vol au vents.

INTRANSIT 8-Jun-04/6:50 PM
first read: swap -noticing and ignoring-
then- with wry misery (he's already exuding)
clambered? I think you mean -clammy?
doomed (seams)?

Um that's enough for now. I see serious problems but I also saw the whole picture, I do like it.
Particularly, arrogant wind and gray expressions sauntering. Work this one, it's worth it.




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