Poemranker [Replying] Fri Apr 26 21:39:06 PDT 2024

Replying to a comment on:

Bitter bacardi makes the black stones dance. (Villanelle) by SupremeDreamer

These black ole stones have just kept rollin, & there be nothing that I fear, while my golden bacardi bottle starts callin. My weary friends much rather keep on stallin; & even so, I hold them all dear, but the black ole stones must keep on rollin. All day I hear their sly voices softly talkin, so what they say is never clear when my golden bacardi bottle keeps on callin. Sighs escape, while my Marlboro keeps a-burnin, & though I've kept my past near, these black ole stones have to keep on rollin. Some reckon I'm one who delights in moon howlin canines bared, & stifling a tear-- but that's just my golden bacardi bottle callin. It's this cold 'n solitary dark that I'm stalkin, donnin my surcoat 'n hat so drear-- but these black ole stones have to keep on rollin 'cause the golden bacardi bottle is who be callin.

SupremeDreamer

7-Jun-04/5:24 PM

Then why are you huffing and puffing over me saying that your poem seemed classical to me? Also, why do you keep bringing up the fact that I used "hat so drear" as if to prove that I'm guilty of being classical as well, and therefor a bloated hypocrit?

Eh marm? All that is quite retaliatory, no matter how you'd like to sugar coat it. It's a reaction provoked by my comments on your poem- no matter what you'd rather believe or convince yourself otherwise.

As for forcing the rhyme, I didn't really. When I wrote this, I was pretty drunk, and found hat so drear to be pretty funny. Actually, it still sounds funny. I could easily modify or twist the rhyme into many other things using many words other than "drear" marm, for example:

--sheer--
It's this cold 'n solitary dark that I'm stalkin,
up and over this mountain so sheer

--beer--
It's this cold 'n solitary dark that I'm stalkin,
rum kept close; I'd never drink beer

--sear--
It's this cold 'n solitary dark that I'm stalkin,
bitter rum makin m'lips & tongue sear

--steer--
It's this cold 'n solitary dark that I'm stalkin,
in the fields tryin to go fuck a steer

--spear--
It's this cold 'n solitary dark that I'm stalkin,
standin poised to ready my spear

--jeer--
It's this cold 'n solitary dark that I'm stalkin,
foul smellin hobos makin me jeer

--queer--
It's this cold 'n solitary dark that I'm stalkin,
lookin to kill those who be queer

And theres plenty more my twisted mind can conjure up from the darkest recesses of my bowls.

Now as for the use of "ole", it's a common term used as an alternate way to say :"old". Now even though "cold" and "old" rhyme, the modification was thought up for the word old, and the effect wouldn't be comprehensible for "cold". If I say for instance, this classic line:

"Come here Ole Blue!"

Any dim-wit can comprehend what I am saying. But if I said something like:

"I feel cole"

You'd probably confuse some folks, and they'd be lead to think that you're talkin bout that black stuff, you know, the stuff used in your average cheap camper barbecue that doesn't use propane? Yeah, that stuff. Then they would wonder why your feeling coal, and how stupid you must be for misspelling that elementary word. But ole is perfectly ok, though you could argue that it's spelled "ol" marm, but that would be a pointless adventure. I say it's "ole", and damn anyone who says otherwise. :)

Now, I have no problem going into further detail bout my use of english in this fashion, or bout the "classical" debate. Quite frankly, if you wanted to get a better example of my writing in a classic fashion, then look under Don-Quixote, one of my alternate pen-names, and view the Villanelle entitled "Ravens Flight - Voices of Spite". With that, you can effectively push your crusade over who writes in the most classical fashion to victory. Personally? I couldn't give a shit.

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