zodiac29 May 2004

You could say this poem is about a woman (re)claiming and refashioning the 'belle dame' stereotype historically used to denigrate and oppress her, making it instead symbolic of archetypal feminine power (i.e., the 'Lilith' who uses whatever tools are available to her, including her much-villified sexuality, to subvert men's [physical and cultural] dominance,) in much the same way as Pat Benetar's "Love Is a Battlefield" video did in the eighties. But I bet you weren't thinking about all that, especially since third-wave feminism is mostly a joke played on women by [still-sadly-dominant] men.

Also, "smokey" should be "smoky",

"judgement" should be "judgment",

"syrines" would be better "sirens",

"facaude" should be "façade" (I think),

"She" in "She grows desperately" should be lower-case,

you're missing some punctuation after "fire", which is not very effective for me as a closing line, anyway,

and you might consider not ending every line at the end of a sentence or clause (i.e., at a comma or period) as this is widely considered bad form.

Otherwise, not bad. Better than your other one, anyway.