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The Devil's Desire (Lyric) by Amber

Heated passions spark evil blood. Smokey perfume and all judgement is flooded. Like mythical syrines who sing in the night, She beckons her suitors through gauzy orange lace. Darkness succombs to her enchanting light; Dancing for death with beauty and grace. The devil's desire is she. Sultry eyes and black fingertips. A black widow's allure escapes soundless lips. A blazing inferno is what her love breeds. Yet, a scarlet facaude cannot hide her blue soul; On their breath, their love, and their life she feeds. Gray shadows play amidst burning coals. The devil's desire is she. With fury and elegance she seduces her victims, Yet vanish her lovers, She grows desperately dim. Turned to smouldering embers that whisper the ghost, But provided the chance, reincarnate their host. The devil's desire is she. (And she is fire)

zodiac 29-May-04/3:31 PM
You could say this poem is about a woman (re)claiming and refashioning the 'belle dame' stereotype historically used to denigrate and oppress her, making it instead symbolic of archetypal feminine power (i.e., the 'Lilith' who uses whatever tools are available to her, including her much-villified sexuality, to subvert men's [physical and cultural] dominance,) in much the same way as Pat Benetar's "Love Is a Battlefield" video did in the eighties. But I bet you weren't thinking about all that, especially since third-wave feminism is mostly a joke played on women by [still-sadly-dominant] men.

Also, "smokey" should be "smoky",

"judgement" should be "judgment",

"syrines" would be better "sirens",

"facaude" should be "façade" (I think),

"She" in "She grows desperately" should be lower-case,

you're missing some punctuation after "fire", which is not very effective for me as a closing line, anyway,

and you might consider not ending every line at the end of a sentence or clause (i.e., at a comma or period) as this is widely considered bad form.

Otherwise, not bad. Better than your other one, anyway.




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