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Hunny (Free verse) by Venus

Since you changed my name to Hunny, the kitchen has become a place for cooking, not fucking. No longer on the counter, before dining elsewhere. Don't drink too much wine, or stay up much too late. No longer care to fall asleep wrapped in my legs, soaking wet. Still sometimes, you quietly maul me, middle of the night, as I feign sleep; little noise but for your labored breath. I wonder sometimes, I wonder If I dreamt it. Since you changed my name to Hunny, I prepare your dinner each and every night, and pause at the stains on that cheap counter top, and thoughtfully consider, poisoning your drink.

babbit11 21-Aug-02/8:26 AM
This is a solid poem. The image is strong and has the weight of solid imagery behind it. The only thing I do not like is the ending. I do not know why. It fits, I suppose, but the images are so strong in the beginning, especially the sleeping portion and the repetitive use of wonder (excellent), that the end almost comes as being anti-climatic. I feel like I am being told something I want to be shown; does that make any sense. I'll read it again in a few days and see if it still hits me that way. But this is solid, and it is good to see some quality on the site.




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