Replying to a comment on:

PATIENCE (Lyric) by jroday

Does the world have time and patiences for me? Does the world have time and patiences too see? I'm epileptic damn! that dont make you better than me. Epilepsy or seizure take your choice. In there line of work their the boss. I'm only paying the cost. When they decide to fire I suffer the lost. You bring joy! You bring pain! There"s no one to blame. Just understand my life is not the same. Dont be blue! remain true! for it's you who can pull me through. It's not the time to turn your back and walk away. Please stay! and help me fight to see another day. So open up your heart, that's a very good start. Listen with your ears. We've known about seizures through the years, and conquered many fears. For peace and happiness I do hope to fine. I know one day peace and happiness I shall fine. But I must continue to look until I fine peace of mine.

SupremeDreamer 18-May-04/8:54 AM
You asked me to give you my take on this poem, so here it is:

The poem is mushy, dull, and whiny. It's another poem where the writer is "reaching out" for acceptance, understanding, and help- Such poems irritate me, and is the sort of thing that wiser poets avoid writing.

Again you've labeled your poem as a lyric, and its not. If you disagree, then explain to me how, in any way, it can be a lyric and actually be sung along with music.

Theres slight hic-ups in your use of the english language also, such as:

'Does the world have [the] time and patiences too see?'

--Patiences? Whats the s for? Theres no plural form
for the word patience, its singular. Also, its good
to use articles in english (the, a, & an) so use
them.

In there line of work their the boss.
I'm only paying the cost.
When they decide to fire I suffer the lost.

--They who? Seizures? Are they some wierd race that
torture those that suffer from epilepsy? Do you work
for them and recieve pay and suffer the loss of a
paycheck if they fire you? Thats quite odd.. doesn't
make much sense really, wouldn't you agree?

So with that said, you'll understand my blessing of zero.




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