Shuushin7 May 2004

Mechanically it's not to shabbily done, I'd say. The endrhymes weave without any noticeably intrusion.

The meter chugs right along, slightly bumpy toward the end there - but serves to let the reader know the station approaches. I'd try to hack out some of the conjunctions, in particular but carefully since it would affect the good flow.

Philosphically, I'm willing to accept it as a character perspective, one that although I personally don't quite relate to it, I can understand.

Have an Eight. A few more poetic techniques would notch it up pretty easily, given the success of the mechanics used.