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Epitaph (Free verse) by philn

If all the world's a stage I made my entrance long ago Into the middle class, downtrodden caste That I have called my home. Reared to love convention And to hate all that is free I have traded self-reliance And embraced conformity I sought six figure jobs And I wed the richest wife For without dollars, there's no sense In living out this life I hid well these bloodstained hands Bitter as an unshed tear And I have built myself a tower Of ambition through the years But Babel and my fortunes fell One dark and dreary day So I sought to sneak through heaven's gates Stolen wings and evil ways Now I black out this brief candle My monologue is done The curtain call, the exit The breath of God is gone.

Shuushin 7-May-04/7:53 AM
Mechanically it's not to shabbily done, I'd say. The endrhymes weave without any noticeably intrusion.

The meter chugs right along, slightly bumpy toward the end there - but serves to let the reader know the station approaches. I'd try to hack out some of the conjunctions, in particular but carefully since it would affect the good flow.

Philosphically, I'm willing to accept it as a character perspective, one that although I personally don't quite relate to it, I can understand.

Have an Eight. A few more poetic techniques would notch it up pretty easily, given the success of the mechanics used.





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