Replying to a comment on:

Gothic (Free verse) by zodiac

We used to say about him he came flying north, just like he was on wires, like some backwards gravity. And once here he found he couldn’t go back south again because a fear he had – of finding his black mother’s body in the garage, eyes tedious with indictment, damp dress rucked up on her big mushroom-skin thighs and coquettish for a son’s caress, leaned like sleep against some late- model Buick, idled into emptiness: That old rot-sweetness of tragedy, straight out of our puritan wet-dreams. No, we weren't surprised when it finally happened, but to him instead and hanging in the place of gas: a tie slung from a walk-in closet rod in some sterile air-conditioned real estate uptown, and his drunk undefeated grin, old red clay on his dragging Oxfords, and a god too proud or gone to let them catch his weight.

Shuushin 3-May-04/1:38 PM
Okay, Z - lets have a go at this...

I like the cadence of it, first off.

"backwards gravity" got it, like it - falls up (geographically).

then an image of the black mother (had to look up "rucked") making sexual advances (I see...)

I liked the car "idled into emptiness"; left running - good.

I wasn't able to associate with the rot-sweetness of tragedy or the puritan wet-dreams, but I understood it to be a description of something that may be a demographic universal.

then there's the suicide scene (is it?) - which I think is a little rushed - or perhaps too complex. I liked the red clay on the shoes - does this mean she's been buried? Made me think so, anyway.

I guess I'm not sure what exactly *is* going on in those last two-odd stanzas. A bit more sculpting maybe?




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001