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ritual of now intensified (Free verse) by nentwined

I press the plunger of the press slowly, separating grounds from water, earth from mana, and the act (ritual) breathes the essence of coffee-to-be into my mind, a mystical hypodermic mainlined to my soul; memories of russet-brown nectar taste themselves into my mouth, the cup held to my face, and warmth tingles up my nose and explodes in full-fledged recollection of the joy I am about to experience; and then-- it is.

niyama 8-Apr-04/5:01 PM
I really like this one. A couple of comments:

- L1 - the repetition of "press" kind of sticks for me...maybe 'sink the plunger' or some such?
- L2 & 3 are awesome together
- L4 maybe strike 'act'? I like it with just 'ritual'
- L6 'mystical hypodermic' - while I generally dislike the word 'mystical' i like it here. feels very...coffee house to me.
- L7 strike "brown"? 'Russet on its own is great
- L8 'tasting themselves' awesome!
- L9 what about 'held the cup up'...to my face feels obvious to me
- L10 'warmth tingles' what about 'warm tingles'?

All in all I love it! Don't mind the comments above, don't think you need to worry about the opinion of cricket girl...*bleh*! =o)





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