Replying to a comment on:

The Longest Wait (Revised) (Free verse) by Caducus

A plastic tube in oval claret, Your fate lays in a monotone beep. A green line flickers, and hopes rest in uncertain waves, that have become your bedside beacon. I sing your favourite love song, hoping that you'll hear me, sometimes I forget the words, then realize I've just sang them subconsciously. As you flounder in pale shade, I scowl at the vibrant bouquets, that flourish in your decline, as fates cruel hand awaits its Croupier. Fate is a horizontal line, The illuminated split of jade upon black, Time is recorded by impervious staff, Who destroy the remnants of her in sheets, The bed is made for another, And I leave silently to silence.

INTRANSIT 5-Aug-03/4:31 PM
I prefer your closing line because it seems (she) was a lover or girlfriend. and you're going home to silence or the lack of a second body. I think Zs suggestion would lead me to think "mother".

Croupier? absolutely.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001