Poemranker [Replying] Sun May 19 23:16:21 PDT 2024

Replying to a comment on:

The Dovina Memorial Bike Lane (Free verse) by Dovina

----Buried in this ground---- ashes of the founder remains of the defier bequeathed to the City for burial here by one who covertly abused her job Drafter Dovina the Drafter to subvert City officials disobey her boss and bring this bike lane before a public meeting whereupon its need was realized and the city acquiesced Dedicated April 1, 20xx by the repentant Carpinteria City Council

Ranger

27-Sep-06/3:05 PM

I promised I'd come back and read; now I am in the 'diff and poemranker's accessible, I've read. Good poem! Definitely a nicely underused (if not downright original) idea and it's said so very directly...but without being smug, which is difficult to achieve. It reads very quickly - only two places didn't quite follow for me: 'covertly abused her job' has '-ly' and 'a-' together which interrupted my reading (changing 'abused' to simply 'used' would solve it there) and 'whereupon', which fits but is a bit long. However, I might be reading it *too* fast, in which case most other people probably wouldn't find the issues that I did. Definitely worth a nine, I'm not changing the ten though. If this got a score lower than it deserves, I'd feel guilty.

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