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The Prodigal Daughter (Free verse) by Dovina

She asked her Daddy for a hug and a kiss For she was off with a man in a van Educated, working, enriched with skill She knew her life’s pattern; her ethics were set He wept as he held her and gave her a kiss Said only he’d rather she not go like this With a man in a van to search for a home To look for the best little farm in the land So she left with a plan, lots of hope and a man Sat beside him gazing at houses and land For six months they traveled, checked prices and work Then settled in the hills of mid Tennessee She invited her father to see how she’d done He came to the cornrows, tobacco, and cows And walked in the forest that heated her home He sat by her fire and said it was good Seven years later she came groveling home The farm a success, the house they’d built cozy But her man found another and left her alone Now she came groping, her plan gone amok Her father forgave her, took her back in Now SHE cried when he hugged her and kissed Still young and healthy, in search of a plan Now she will ask him about each new man

Ranger 15-May-06/10:43 AM
Nice work. There's a typo in line 12, and I don't like the capitalisation of 'she' toward the end; it could just be the font, but generally speaking I'm not a fan of capitalisation for emphasis. It's usually unnecessary. The other thing is that I remember ecargo saying to me in one of my poems that the rhymes were somewhat distracting - I think the same applies here. On my reading it would have gone a little more smoothly without the rhymes. Others may disagree though.

That's the nitpicks done, now for the credit. The story is very well told, concise but not vague - which isn't easy to achieve. It's very tactile as well; I can see the scenes pretty clearly.

Question: the last line - 'would'. Being conditional, I'm a little confused as to this. It seems that there's something preventing her asking (almost like he's dead) but up till then there was nothing to suggest such an eventuality. Might it work better as 'will'?




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