Replying to a comment on:

Dear Lord, (Other) by INTRANSIT

what is this winter's chill? Revenge- it calls; I will not rent. Spirit of man is frozen still while mercy fills me I'll not be bent and I am moved if by your will a robust heart with deep pigment and I become spring's daffodil the who I am shall not relent. Gray hairs spark and thrust me forth through many tears that I have cried as I have built this life towards north these chisels worn I leave behind. And once I've passed my deathly port my scroll as long as life is wide unto you I shall report though I've not turned man's tide.

zodiac 26-Aug-05/5:16 AM
I think the rhythm's fine as is. If anything, you need a syllable before "unto" in the line before, but I wouldn't even work too hard on that. Modernish, this way.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001