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How Angels Sleep (Free verse) by Dovina

They roll and turn with minds confused to understand their earthly charge Angels have no pain or joy from which to learn the art of comfort. They know so very little how a woman feels with wounded knee or poison word. About an earthly hand below her rib— once a pleasure, now a scar— about this feeling, only theories can they bring. And for the missing manly snuggles, they tout prescriptions learned, obeying Teacher’s word, then listen while she grumbles. All their efforts leave her sobbing beside him on the bed, bewildered, while their platitudes roll on. But once an angel felt it briefly— the way to reach his charge’s heart. He lay beside her sleeping soundly, and she knew he understood.

zodiac 20-Aug-05/5:30 AM
"confused to understand" is not real grammar. I like the rhythm of it, but'd really prefer "failing to understand" or something such (and it's nifty sprung-rhythm!)

"About" in the third stanza stopped me a minute. I'd like to see "Nor" in its place.

Would you consider dropping "About this feeling... can they bring" and the next stanza? Thanks. It was kind of superobvious.

I'd change "platitudes" to a less-strong word, or example, or cool turn-of-phrase of your own.

Okay, I made all the comments above without reading the last stanza. Wow. Oh. Okay. I don't think it works at all. For one, City of Angels???? For two, it's kind of just whimsical wish-fulfillment, isn't it? Not to mention utterly non-doctrinal, against everything you've written so far, and a rather trite Deus ex Machina. My suggestion (ie, if this were my poem, so you know what that's worth): The narrator-woman ends wishing for an angel to sleep beside her, knowing it doesn't really feel or understand anything she feels, but she settles for the compromise anyway. Yeah. Cool. I dig.

Liked quite a few bits of the writing. You're good when you're poetic.




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