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The Ocean Prefers A Sunset (Free verse) by wilco

On the horizon, dancing waltzes with the end of the Earth, she casts the shadows of crumbling caryatids on the listless sand. I'm standing on the shoreline and hoping for an evening rain to fall. The chemicals bouncing through my mind, twist her, turn her until she becomes the entire world. She's almost gone now; and with her death, the birth of night. So, I wait for her sister to cast her warming smile; and although not as beautiful, warm my bones as I yearn to see her again.

richa 12-Jun-04/3:03 PM
Would echo than dancing is redundant (getting rid of it brings out the alliteration of 'waltzes with' better too).

Listless sand - nope, you need to show what the sand is doing to make you think it is listless.

Last verse; death, birth, yearn, beautiful, smile are a touch unimaginative.

Good though, well written.




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