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The Ocean Prefers A Sunset (Free verse) by wilco

On the horizon, dancing waltzes with the end of the Earth, she casts the shadows of crumbling caryatids on the listless sand. I'm standing on the shoreline and hoping for an evening rain to fall. The chemicals bouncing through my mind, twist her, turn her until she becomes the entire world. She's almost gone now; and with her death, the birth of night. So, I wait for her sister to cast her warming smile; and although not as beautiful, warm my bones as I yearn to see her again.

wilco 11-Jun-04/11:23 PM
First, thanks for the critique and I think (hope) that the writers block has been lifted.

Second, you're right about the little things...just a little problem I have (as discussed with Shin Shuu somewhere on this page. I've got to work on that.

Third, with the last sentence, i just couldn't get it to sound right putting the 'she' in there.

Fourth, I was just happy not to get a "Personally, I honestly don't think you'll ever be any good at writing poetry. Poets are born not made. You can improve, but only so far. You're poetically tone deaf."

That stings.

But I'll keep your suggestions in mind, for sure...and thanks.




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